Fifty-Four-X Monster Stack (Part 2)

        In part one of this post, dated Tuesday, March 24, I told you that I’d get into some specifics about what I’ve learned in creating exceptional video photo montages, or as I refer to them, Personal Music Videos. So here we go.
         The first thing I do is go through all of the pictures that are potentially going to make it into the film. This happens in several stages. My first look at them is a quick glance, like I’m thumbing through a magazine. What I want is an overall first impression. That gives me some idea of what, and who, I’m working with. It’s a quick inspection of the raw material. I make little mental notes as I go through the pictures, pausing on some longer than others, but not lingering on any photo too long.
         The next step is to spend some time with each photograph and try to extract something from it. What is it about the picture that strikes me? An emotion? An atmosphere? A look? A color? Maybe it’s a beautifully composed shot, or one with a great sunset where the people make less of an impact than mother nature. Whatever it is, each photo I choose says something to me. The ones that don’t, I leave out. It’s at this stage that I begin thinking about sequencing.
         Through these steps, I’m gradually getting to know the subject of the film. I’m not just looking at what the photograph is saying to me. I’m paying attention to what’s going on in the pictures, and noticing patterns and recurring themes. I see what the person does, how they dress, what kind of expressions they make, the places they go, what they’re into, the people they spend time with.
         It’s usually around now that I put on some music. Either music I’ve been given to work with, or something I’ve come up with already from my own collection. The pictures have already started to play music in my head, and if they haven’t, I scour my iTunes library for something that strikes me, given the images I’ve seen. Sometimes, the right music comes to me at this stage, and sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, I don’t force it.
         In this third phase, from the photos I’ve chosen, I’m now examining each picture. I’m studying my subject intensely. I’m putting together whatever I already know about them with what the photos are saying to me about them. Through this process, I start to decide who this person is and what exactly I want to communicate about them in the film.
         In step two, I was looking for a general “something”. Now, I’m determining what that “something” is. What is the subject saying to me in this photo? I’m happy? I’m horny? I’m excited? What do I see in them, whether they’re saying it or not? Maybe I think they look hot in the picture, even if they themselves don’t. Maybe I see some anxiety behind a smile, or maybe their body is betraying their expression. I start piecing this all together, and I get to know them, a little deeper, every minute I spend with them.
         Sometimes, if I’m in a time crunch, I combine steps two and three together. That is, I find what pictures say something to me and I determine what that something is, all in one step. And it’s also important to note that sometimes, the picture will say something different to me later in the process, after I’ve been working on this for many hours, than it does in the beginning. I have to stay open to that. I don’t want to close off something I get later just because it’s different than what I picked up earlier. Sometimes, that means putting the picture in a different place, or doing something different with it than I originally intended. In the process of developing a skeleton, or even a detailed plan, it’s imperative to remain open to inspiration, new information, and especially to crazy ideas that come out of nowhere.
         Once I’ve got the pictures I want, and a solid idea of what they’re saying to me, the process becomes more fluid. Because music is so important to this process (remember I refer to these as MTV Caliber Personal Music Videos), I’m always thinking in terms of music. What I’m looking to do is match the right picture not only with the right music, but with the right section of that music. It’s not enough just to lay some photos over a good song selection. For maximum impact, you want to find that verse or chorus or words or seconds of a song that embellish, augment, or sometimes contrast, with what the image is saying to you.
         The stronger you can identify with the emotions that are coming up for you as you do this, the better your finished product. Pay attention to what’s happening inside of you, and use that in your creative choices. If, for example, the subject is attractive to you, even sexy, then let that come up. Imagine what being with the person would be like. Fantasize even. Put yourself in the picture with them. Take them out of the picture and put them with you, doing....whatever you want.
         If this sounds like I’m trying to get you to make a porno video, that’s not quite it. But what I am stressing is for you to identify as strongly as you can with the subject of the film, even if that means fantasizing about sleeping with them. I admit, I’ve done this. It’s harmless, and it helps me make a better film (as well as being fun to do). Besides, it’s a perfect place to use the old “anything for my art” phrase. After all, they’re only photographs.
         Use timing in the music to your advantage. Make cuts on the beat instead of randomly in the middle of one. Zoom way in on some photographs and linger on say, the subject’s eyes, or lips, or smile. Don’t just pan across, or up and down, a photo for the sake of panning. Have a reason for starting one place and finishing in another. Then reverse it, and see how that works.
         Remember I said that what we’re shooting for is an MTV Caliber Personal Music Video. Watch some of your favorite videos and cop some ideas from them. Sell the subject as best you can. That is, make them look good. Paint them in a most glowing light. Make creative choices that accomplish that, with everything from photo selection, to editing decisions, to music selection. Remind yourself that you want whoever sees this film to know and love the subject a little more when it’s over.
        By the way, I’m available for creation of, or consultation for, Personal Music Videos. Contact me via email: clint@muscleheart.com, which you can easily do on the left side of every page under the orange heading "Contact Me Here".


©2009 Clint Piatelli. All Rights (and a film festival full of Wrongs) Reserved.

Turning Gold Into Heroin

        Many of my friends from college have become very successful. They have good careers, found compatible partners, and started their own families. I’m happy for them. They are people I love, and when someone I love seems happy, I find great joy in that. It’s my wish that all the people I care about live happy, successful lives. I’m sure they have their problems, as do we all, but from my perspective, they appear happy.
         My life has taken a very different course than most people I went to college with. I’m single, never been married, have no children, and I’m still finding my career niche. I’ve done lots of different things, played in bands, and traveled extensively. That said, there is probably much about my life that they envy. The freedom, not being responsible for anybody but myself, and the variety of experience my life entails. Truth be told, there is much about their lives that I envy. Stability, roots, a life partner, a successful career, and a sense of self that I sometimes can’t seem to find.
         That may come as a surprise to them, but it’s true. I just spent a marvelous few days with many of these people. Villanova was playing in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament in Boston, and many alumni made the trip up here from all over. As is often the case, when the thrill and fun and excitement of being with these people I love and respect is gone, when the memories we created are now just that, memories, I’m left with a sense of emptiness and failure that I’m very familiar with. As wonderful as the weekend was, when it’s over, it kicks up many of my inadequacies, insecurities, and feelings of being less than.
         This delayed reaction of pain comes off of a weekend of love and joy and connection. It comes after feeling great about myself and the friendships that I’ve maintained. It comes after lots of attention and compliments. This inner turmoil is the flip side to the Clint that they know. I’ve always been very different from these people, but loved and accepted. I’ve always been seen as very unique, creative, one-of-a-kind, maverick, highly individual, stand out from the crowd. And they embrace me for that. Even people that I didn’t know came up to me this past weekend and asked me my name, saying that they “wanted to meet me” because of the way I dressed, how I looked, and how I behaved. This happens surprisingly often when I put myself out there, completely show up, and really be myself.
         I don’t say this to blow my own horn, but to emphasize that as good as that felt, it doesn’t last very long, because deep inside me, I don’t believe it. What I experience is a sort of emotional hangover. So the highs I just experienced make the lows I feel now more pronounced. The comparisons between me and these people make me feel worse because I don’t feel I measure up to them. And that’s coming completely from me, not them. I own this.
         I start to compare my life to those I went to school with, and all I see is failure. I don’t necessarily feel it when I’m with them, and if I do, it’s buried deeper within me, overshadowed by the joy I feel being in their company. Overshadowed by the fun I have with them. Overshadowed by the love I receive and the love I give. But it’s there just the same. I just don’t connect to it as much. When they’re gone, I feel it. So the joy is almost like a drug to me, with the inevitable crash afterward.
         This is awful because what I experience with them is real. It’s not a phony high, like a drug gives you. It’s authentic. And yet because of my own inner emotional mechanics, I twist it into a form of addiction. How the fuck can I take something so good, so positive, like love and connection and joy and fun, and eventually turn it into something painful? How can I take something that real and beautiful and turn it into something ugly? How can I take gold and turn it into heroin?
         A piece of this is because I’ve created a system within me that is convinced that joy must come at a price. The net result must always be “zero”, because any happiness I feel must be balanced by an equal amount of pain. I don’t do this consciously, but I do it. It’s what I saw all the time growing up, so I internalized it. I fight it though, because a part of me knows that it’s not true. And that pisses me off. I almost wish all of me believed the emotional zero-sum-game model so that I wouldn’t have any conflict over it. If all of me bought it, maybe I’d be happy in my misery. But I’m not. I don’t like being this way. I want to change it.
         Change is often painful, but I make it worse by hating myself for being this way. I don’t accept myself as I am. I just want to be different. Now. So I get stuck in self-hatred, and that makes growth nearly impossible. It’s a cage that I build myself then drive myself crazy trying to free myself from. How fucked up is that?
         I know that I’m violating a law of emotional health by comparing my insides to other’s outsides. And yet that’s where I’m stuck right now. I hate admitting that this is where I’m at. But it’s honest. And I've decided not to do a heavy re-write, because I’m afraid of talking myself out of posting this the longer I wait. So this may come off as more raw than usual. Just like I feel right now. Raw. And I want to be well done.

©2009 Clint Piatelli. All Rights (and a meat locker full of Wrongs) Reserved.