J.O.T.A.F.O.S.

       We all experience moments of supremely intense doubt. Sometimes these moments stretch into minutes, or even hours. They can be crippling.
       This is not the kind of doubt you experience when you’re not sure if you should get the chef’s special or the chef’s salad. This is the the kind of doubt you experience when you question your value as a person; when you question the value of your contribution to life.
       I used to keep these moments all to myself. I never let any friend or lover or family member in on them. For I was afraid that if anyone, and I mean anyone, knew that this was what was going on in my heart of hearts, that they would literally write me off, right then and there. These doubts felt that ugly, that unacceptable, that disastrous, that shameful. I call this particular fear of instant abandonment the Just One Thought Away From Oblivion Syndrome (J.O.T.A.F.O.S.).  
       There’s a twelve step saying that goes, “We are only as sick as our secrets”. The more secrets we keep, and the deeper and darker the secrets, the more pain we’re in. Conversely, the more we share, the more we heal. Through lots of experience, from being on both sides of that axiomatic fence, I can say, without question, how powerfully true this is.
       I’m much better at sharing these moments of doubt now. I’ll tell someone I love about them. I’ll write prose about them, or create poetry about them. Sometimes I’ll even post those writings to my blog, for anyone to read. Quite a leap from keeping them completely hidden from the whole of humanity. The creating and the sharing diffuse the power of these doubts.
       Creating and sharing also allows me to move through these doubts quicker. If I keep these doubts all to myself, they rattle around inside of me. And, like heavy metal ball bearings sloshing around an otherwise empty dryer, they can do a lot of damage. By sharing, by opening the door and letting them out, I release them. They have less ability to hurt. In fact, they transform. These doubts and feelings can now be used to heal. They can be put to healthy use. Like the creation of art. Or the connection with another person.
       A while ago, not exactly sure when, I wrote this poem during one of those periods of intense doubt.   
          

During the quiet passages of an inner symphony
Between the drum beats of my own heart thunder
Within the preciously small spaces between breaths
In lungs always working to get more air
Woven into the complex pattern of energy
That make up but a single moment of my thinking
I ask the question
Can anybody ever truly love me for all that I am
And for all that I am not?
    
Am I ever going to find a woman
Who will not only embrace me
For the Apparently Occasionally Overwhelming Everything That I Am
But actually Love Me For It?
Will a woman ever find me so complicatedly fascinating
And so lovingly simple to understand
That she can grasp all of it without so much of me slipping through her hands
Will she love me enough
So that I don’t eventually ooze out of her life
Like too much gel through something not vast enough
Or willing enough
To grasp it all?



©2103 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Clint Dharma

       The first time I ever heard the word “Dharma” was when I was thirteen. I wasn’t checking out any sort of sacred text, however. I was examining the back cover of the first album I ever bought: Agents Of Fortune, by Blue Oyster Cult. The lead guitarist, who’s work I was already in love with, thanks to B.O.C.’s hit “Don’t Fear The Reaper”, was one Donald “Buck Dharma” Roeser. Come to think of it, considering the impact that music would have on me, this was indeed sacred text.
       Sacred musical connection notwithstanding, I would later discover the Sanskrit word “Dharma” to be translated as “sacred duty”, “true nature”, “divine order”, and “life’s work”, amongst many other incomplete definitions. Digging deeper, I discovered that one’s dharma is unique to the individual. In the words of Stephen Cope, from his book The Great Work Of Your Life; “We might say that every person’s dharma is like an internal fingerprint. It is the subtle interior blueprint of a soul.”
       So my dharma is unique to me, and is in fact a function of that which makes me unique, that which makes me, ME. And, I can only be that which I am. According to the concept of dharma, I can not really be anybody I want to be. Although the possibilities are wilder and broader and more incredible than I can imagine, it is not, as some self-help literature suggests, a complete tabula rasa.
        I can not be somebody else, or somebody else’s dharma. To be somebody you are not, to live the dharma of another, to be what you think you should be instead of who you truly are, is to live a life of misery and unfulfillment. So the question really becomes; “Who The Hell Are You and Why Are You Here?”.
       Follow me as I delve deeper into my own very personal and intimate experience with these sacred questions.


©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

   
        

Professional Re-Purpose-er

“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask ‘why’... I dream of things that never were, and ask ‘why not?’ .”
                                                 - Robert F. Kennedy

    
       When I look at something as it is, the question always rolling around in the background is “What else could it be. What are the possibilities here?”. I don’t do this just with physical items, but with situations, circumstances, relationships, perhaps even the experience of life itself.
       This is a double edged sword. On the downside, it can make it challenging for me to accept what is. Because a corollary to seeing what things could be is that I naturally see the undercurrents, the subtext, the silent stories. I am drawn to what’s underneath, to what’s below the surface. I tend to swim in the deep part of the ocean, not the shallows.
       A great skill perhaps, but it can also make dealing with reality difficult, and it can frustrate those who do not see what’s underneath, or don’t even care about it. My challenge is to deal with both what is and what could be without dichotomizing. Without polarizing the surface or the depth, the superficial or the more substantial. For this is truly the yin and the yang at work in life. One could not exist without the other; they are both necessary for the existence of each other.
       On the upside, this propensity to ask "What else could it be?" contributes to my standing as a Professional Re-Purpose-er. I repurpose whatever I can. I don’t see things in the box of what they are “supposed” to be, of what they “should” be, of what they are “commonly” known for, or as.  
        It’s an attitude more than a way of thinking. It’s not just a cognitive construct. It’s a way of being in the world. It’s not just about thinking outside the box. It’s about living outside the box.
       You don’t have to be a crazy artist to do this. You can apply it, in small ways, in however it works, into your own life, no matter how traditional or conventional areas of your life are. In upcoming webinars, podcasts, and live presentations, I’ll guide people on how to do this. Here and now, I can give you a glimpse into how it works for me, and maybe provide you with some insight into how it may work for you.
       Over the weekend, I walked by a Victoria's Secret store and saw these very cool ultra sparkly spandex pants pictured in a giant window display. If I had a girlfriend, I would have immediately thought of how great she would look in them. I would buy her a pair, and ask her to try them on for me. If she didn’t like them, or if they weren’t her cup of tea, even for just hanging around the house, no problem. Return them, and get something you like, baby. Oh, but I’m keeping the pair I bought for myself......
       When I saw these pants, my Re-Purpose way of being naturally and immediately asked  the question “What else could this Female Casual Wear be?”. That question was then immediately answered with “Male Halloween Costume”. So in I went, made friends with a few of the female support staff, and walked out with a pair. It was a fun and different experience for everybody. We all made new connections, however brief and transient. The staff made a sale, and I had a pair of killer pants. And when I told them what the pants were for, after I modeled them upon request, they told me they wanted pictures from wherever I spent Halloween. Everybody wins.
       At a wedding I attended, the name and table assignment card holders got re-purposed into giant pieces of bling. With just some imagination and scotch tape, graciously provided by the bar tenders. When I looked at the decorative plastic diamonds, I saw possibilities, not card holders. Then I came up with something that I liked. Something that spoke to me. In so doing, several of the women at the wedding saw what I did, dug it, and wanted some of what I had. So I helped them out. Again, it was fun, it was different, it helped us connect. I created something, and then we created something. That’s what it’s all about for me.  
       Silly examples? Maybe. But this is the raw material, the grist for the mill, of a more creative life; of a life with more fun, more self expression, more connection, more vitality. All, in part, because of Re-Purposing. All because of painting outside the lines. We all have the capacity to engage in this, in a countless variety of ways that suit and benefit our own lives.
       Paint outside the lines today. Somewhere. Somehow. Then tell me about it in the comments section. Let’s create something that wasn’t there before.


©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.