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    Archives
    Tuesday
    Oct012013

    So What

    Passionate
    Not Perfect

    Fabulous
    And Flawed

    Unique
    Not Uniform

    Real
    Not always Real Good

    The Crayon Box
    With All The Colors

    An Ocean
    Not a Pond

    The Sky
    With The Clouds

    I love with everything I have

    I love with everything I am

    I make mistakes

    Sometimes, big ones

    So what

    I’m worth it


            - Clint Piatelli

     

    ©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.


    Thursday
    Sep262013

    I Love John

           About three o’clock one morning in June of 2006, while spending the night at my parents' house, I awoke to a rustling in the nearby bathroom. I got up to see what was going on. It was my dad. And he was making a little ruckus.
           My father had contracted a nasty rash from coming in contact with lawn fertilizer, and was prescribed some cream to relieve the intense itching. But he was having great difficulty applying the ointment to his arms. My eighty-six year old dad was tired, and in considerable physical distress from his ailment. Fumbling about, mumbling and swearing under his breath like he always did when he was frustrated, the poor guy was just having a miserable time.
           Bleary eyed myself, and functioning at less than optimal after attending my nephew’s college graduation party, I approached my father and said, “Dad, let me help you.” Now, helping my dad, with anything, was not always easy. My father was old school, wanted to do everything himself, and was a bit of a control freak. He had started a construction company from scratch with his dad back in the 1950‘s, and built it into a very successful business through a lot of hard work. A World War Two veteran who spent two years on Guam building airstrips in the middle of the jungle, he only delegated what he absolutely had to. And he rarely asked for help.
           But there we were, in the bathroom at three in the morning. I wasn’t waiting for my dad to ask me for help. I simply wasn’t going to let him do this by himself. At my insistence, my “Dear Old Dad”, as he frequently referred to himself as, dropped his arms and let me take the wheel. He let his underwear clad, half-asleep, slightly hung over, youngest son rub the doctor prescribed medicated goop all over his arms, thus alleviating his discomfort.
           It was a beautiful moment, being able to help my father. I was aware of that then, even through my sleepy haze. As I rubbed the cream on his arms, we talked about how much fun the party had been, and about my plans to spend the summer in California. When I was done, my dad thanked me. We hugged and kissed goodnight.
           A few hours later, at about eight AM, I was awoken once again. Someone’s hands were gently stroking my hair, and a man was crying softly. My eyes slowly focused. There was my dad, leaning over me in bed, like he used to do when I was just a kid, touching my head, staring at me with watery eyes and a little smile. He said to me, “John (my father rarely called me Clint).....thank you for what you did for me last night.” I touched him on the shoulders and said something like, “No problem dad. I’m glad I could help”.
           I was very close to my dad. We were very much alike in many critical ways. And as different as night and day in others. We shared many tender times together. And this may have been the closest I ever felt to him. In my life.
           When I woke up for good about an hour and a half later, I went downstairs to the kitchen. My folks were long gone by then, having headed off to Maine. Over the kitchen table, a table I had eaten countless meals at throughout my life, there was a note, taped to the chandelier. Before I even read it, I knew the note was from my dad.  Because the first thing I actually saw was the white surgical tape used to tape the note to the chandelier itself. My dad used white surgical tape for everything. It was his magic elixir. He loved the stuff. I think my dad believed that if it had been available during the days of the Titanic, that ship would still be afloat today.
           On the note, in my dad’s distinctive printing (he rarely used cursor, even though he had fabulous penmanship), were three simple words. “I Love John”.
           I can’t think about that moment, even now, more than seven years later, without tearing up. I have a feeling it’ll be that way for the rest of my life. I certainly hope so.

    (This picture was taken the week after.....)

    ©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.
        
        

    Tuesday
    Sep242013

    Full And Broken

    What does it mean?
    To have an Open Heart

    To me it means
    To be Full and Broken

    For the heart that is truly open
    Is vast enough to be filled
    Is strong enough to be broken

    A dozen times a day

    Broken

    By the hungry Chinese woman
    Who begs for food by pointing to her mouth
    Because she knows no english

    By the story of a whale
    Who, like so many people
    Constantly moans
    And feels completely alone
    Because
    She is not heard
    By a single soul
    On this gigantic planet

    By the tears of a mother
    Who wants nothing more
    Than to hear
    What a wonderful mother she is
    From one who will not give her such praise

    Filled

    By the stranger who feeds the Chinese woman
    By the souls who hear the whale
    By the someone who acknowledges the mother

    Filled
    By the smile from a child
    The colors of the trees
    My own laughter

    My heart gets broken
    Every day
    My Heart gets filled
    Every day

    The label is irrelevant

    What matters

    Is that I feel it all
    Because only then do I know
    That My Heart
    Is Truly Open


                  
    - Clint Piatelli

     

    ©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

    Monday
    Sep232013

    Desert Magic

           From watching too many Clint Eastwood westerns on television throughout my formative years, I romanticized the desert. The mythical magic of The Mojave was real to me, even though I had never stepped foot there. I could feel it. Even through a TV screen.
           When I’m experiencing any form of art or entertainment, be it a book, a movie, a piece of music, or a painting, I have the ability to completely immerse myself within it. Some call it “getting lost”. I call it “becoming part of”. What I actually lose touch with is all other external reality. Whatever else is happening around me suddenly feels almost extemporaneous. My whole world becomes that song, or that movie, or that whatever.
           It’s an outgrowth of constant fantasizing as a kid: my coping mechanism of choice when things got too uncomfortable, or too heavy, or too fuckin‘ traumatic for me. Which was, apparently, fairly often. My creativity and imagination developed a Warp Drive, and I used it. I was able to instantly leave wherever I was and go someplace else. And if there was already a place to go, like a song or a television show, well sometimes that became my destination. At that point, I wasn’t in my body anymore; I was in the car with Fred Flintstone.
           In 2003, driving from Los Angeles to Phoenix, I had an opportunity to see Joshua Tree National Park, which is in The Mojave Desert. The night sky in the Mojave, far from the light pollution of populated areas, is pitch black and spectacularly full of stars. Being an astronomy fiend, I just had to do some star gazing in that environment. And catching the sunrise at Keyes View, also in Joshua Tree, was on my bucket list.
           I wanted to spend the night in the park, in the desert, under a blanket of thousands of stars. Not in a motel room. The problem was, it was November, and the desert can get bloody cold at night that time of year. According to park services, the lows that night were expected to dip into the high thirties. I had no tent, no sleeping bag, no blankets, no pillows. I didn’t even have a jacket. But I did have a car. And some clothes. That would have to do.
           So I threw on as many layers as I had with me, spent as much time as I could outside looking at the stars, and then found a place to park. Putting the driver’s seat all the way back, I did my best to fall asleep. Throughout the night, I would wake up every half hour or so, because I was freezing, start the car, crank the heat, and bring the temperature up enough so I could fall back asleep. This went on all night, until about two hours before sunrise, when I made my way to Keyes View. I was the only one there. That’s where this picture was taken.
           It was worth it. Like I said. Desert Magic.


    ©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

    Saturday
    Sep212013

    Effortlessly

    Lay next to me
    My sweet angel
    I’m not feeling well
    And can not sleep

    Slowly stroke my hair
    Gaze at me with your peering eyes
    That are able to see into my soul
    Gently kiss my face
    With lips that heal whenever they touch me

    Tell me how special I am to you
    Tell me you will always have my back
    Tell me you will be there for me when I fall
    That you will be patient with me
    When I struggle
    To see things clearly
    When I struggle
    To pick myself up
    Or find my way

    Tell me you won’t turn your back on me
    When I act like a fool
    Or make a mistake
    Or hurt you or another
    With my own misplaced pain

    Tell me you love me
    Tell me you adore me
    Tell me you want me
    Tell me that I give you what you want
    Tell me that I give you what you need

    And know that I love you with everything I am and ever will be

    Then watch me
    As I slowly fall asleep
    And drift away to a place
    Where it’s just you and me
    Witness my peace

    You give me that
    My love

    Effortlessly

    Just by stroking my hair
    And kissing my face
    And telling me that you love me.....


                   - Clint Piatelli

     

    ©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.