Scratching The Walls of My Heart

As I scratch the walls of my heart
My purpose like paint peels off the walls
It gets under my nails
Collects in my hands
Sheds itself onto my body
Releases itself onto the world

So I keep scratching
I keep digging
I keep seeking and I keep finding

It is a splendid journey

One that I share with the world
I want you to hear me, to see me, to get me, to connect to me
To love me
So that you are inspired to scratch the walls of your own heart
And reap whatever you need

That is the gift I can give you
And just by taking it
You give back to me
Just what I need

            - Clint Piatelli

©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Cutting Loose

  "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."           -Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr.Seuss)    

          I will sing out loud in my car, or at a CVS, or at a coffee shop, because it feels good. Like a kid will do. With that freedom of expression, with that ease of expression. And, as an adult, I know not to sing too loud, because I don’t want to taint the experience of others I share the space with. I don’t, however, make that distinction when I'm alone in the car. I just let her rip. Anyway, there is balance there, with the boy within and the man I am. I don’t let the kid run the show, but I let him be. The man parents the boy, just like in good, external, physical parenting.
          You don’t stifle the child, you don’t shut him up. But you don’t let him go nuts all the time either. You do, however, let him go nuts some of the time. Like in the backyard, or whenever the kid is playing in an environment that’s appropriate to let it all hang out. As an adult, you have to let the kid, let yourself, go nuts sometimes too. I do it when I play drums, I do it in the bedroom. I do it a lot of places.
       Many do not. They never experience full, unbridled self expression. They never cut loose. I have a lot of compassion for that. And I can help people with that. As I transition MuscleHeart to a personal development business, my objective, indeed my life’s work, is to inspire and move and guide and assist people to fully and more vibrantly express themselves. As they mine the depths of their own heart and get to what burns inside of them.
       My life can at times be one big “cut loose”. I bring that to my business, now, too. Always striving to be more unchained, more uninhibited, more free. Many keep so much in, hold so much back. They are afraid to let it all hang out. Ever. I understand that fear. I don’t believe it serves us. And I want to assist those in their journey through that.

©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Right Fuckin' On, Walt

“This is the female form, vapor,
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot,
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction,
I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor,
all falls aside but myself and it,
Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, and what was expected of heaven or fear'd of hell, are now consumed,
Mad filament, ungovernable shoots play out of it, the response likewise ungovernable...”

               ― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

The Face

       Remember old clothes catalogues? The models were in horribly contrived poses, with very forced, very inane looking smiles on their faces, usually accompanied by an equally stupid expression of positively boundless joy. All from doing absolutely nothing except wearing the right shirt whilst they operated the new blender.
       When we were kids, my twin brother and I, being very astute, creative, and silly, picked up on this as we perused through mom’s mail. We started mimicking the ridiculousness and came up with what we call “The Face”.
       The Face actually comprises not only the face, but the pose, attitude, and overall absurdity of what we saw in those catalogues. We still do it today, needing no other provocation than one of us saying “The Face”!
       Those moments, then and now, are some of the most cherished moments I have with Mike. We are intimately sharing a common experience. We are in each other’s heads, in each other’s hearts, in those moments. We are truly connected. And we are having so much fun, both playing in the waters of our own silly yet beautiful little world.
       My life wants to be one long string of such intimate, connected, special moments with people I love. Thank you Mike, for creating the model with me.

©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.

Irresistable

       This being the last day of April, which is International Poetry Month, it feels appropriate to post a poem that I’ve been afraid to publish.
       This poem happened fast. So fast, in fact, that I didn’t have time not to write it.
       The inspirational flash, as exciting as it was, immediately brought me somewhere I didn’t want to go. But that’s part of the beauty and the beast of the creative process; we don’t always know where we are going to end up. We may recognize parts of the journey; or it may be a foray into completely unknown, even hostile, territory.
       This poem started from the end and worked its way to the beginning. The last line came to me first. The word unnerved me. Male ego immediately got in the way and told me that, under no circumstances, could I admit this reality to anybody. Including myself. I couldn’t even admit this to any.....thing. Including the universe. Just writing it down violated some sacred code of macho control. Forget letting another human being know it. And the world at large? Out of my fucking mind.
       The deeper the place that we create from, the greater the potential for some sort of internal upheaval. And thus, the greater potential for healing. Getting to what’s going on inside of us can be a major challenge in itself. Owning it is another step; sometimes a giant step. Awareness is always first, without which no other steps are possible. But just being aware of something is not enough. Because just being aware of something does not necessarily lead us to creation or to healing.
       Once you are aware of it, you have to own it. That means you can’t just stand there, looking at this awareness, this discovery. You have to wrap your arms around it, embrace it, get to know it. That’s owning it. That can take time. That can be a process. Or it can happen instantly.  
       When I owned this word that came from deep within me, this word that scared me to death, I opened myself up to the possibility of creating something from it. I created the possibility of healing from it. Only when I wrapped my arms around it was I able to create. Like getting pregnant, you can’t do it from across the room. You have to get up real close, wrap yourself around each other, and make love. The creation of life. The creation of art. Creation, period.

I ache for a word

One
Single
Word

To describe my whole experience of you

So I go to a pace
That I am afraid to go

And the word I hear

Scares me
Excites me

Empties me
Inspires me

Haunts me
Smiles at me

Overwhelms me
Elates me

The word I hear

Makes me shake
Until I dance

Makes me cry
Until I laugh

Makes me hide
Until I’m found

I can not wrap myself around this word
Anymore
Than I can wrap myself around
You

Ultimately
You are
To me

Irresistible

Irresistible

Irresistible

        - Clint Piatelli, 2012

©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.