Johnny Harmony

       In this moment, I’m looking through the center of my self, down a long hallway, and I feel so far away and small; the way something looks when you turn a pair of binoculars around and look through the other end. That’s what I feel like to me right now. I am far away from my own true self. And that true self appears so small that it feels insignificant.
       This dynamic is not created by my true self, by the person I really am, but by my false self. I at once experience an inner person as completely separate and distant from who I am on the outside, and at the same time the two feel merged, and I don’t know where one begins and one ends.This is extreme disharmony; when the very experience of who I am feels simultaneously far away and merged with something else. I’m in there somewhere, but I don’t know who I am, so I don’t know who I’m looking for. So I can’t find myself.
       My false self, also called the ego, has sensed it’s own mortality lately. My ego has sensed that he no longer serves me like he used to. I’ve been looking to minimize his role in my life. And like a street fighter who’s in a life or death struggle, he’s fighting back. Hard. There’s a struggle happening within me that’s shaking me to my depths.
       I’m not depressed about this, which is good news. Because before, when I would sense this struggle, this disharmony, I would often go into depression and anxiety. Those two clinical ailments would keep me from being able to look deeper into what’s happening. I would focus on the depression and be unable to get to what’s truly behind the depression. That’s no longer the case. I’ve made great progress there.
       Recently, I’ve heard from more than one intimate friend, that I appeared to them as a dichotomy. That they were having trouble knowing who I really was. I didn’t understand that for a while. Now I do. Because I experience it myself, on the inside. They were sensing something going on inside me before I could see it. Before I even knew it was happening.
       I have not yet reconciled elements of myself. They do not live harmoniously in me, so they are going to present that disharmony to the world at large. And certain people pick up on that.
       I know myself to be a deep, tender, sensitive man. I also know myself to be colorful, outrageous, bold, and irreverent. It’s not about asking myself “Who’s the real me?”. It’s not about choosing which pieces are me and which aren’t. Because all of that is me. I can be bold and outrageous and sensitive and tender. If I’m asking which ones are me, I’m asking the wrong questions. To paraphrase the song “11 O’clock Tick Tock” by U2; “I have the answers. It’s the questions I have wrong.”
       I should be asking myself how do I reconcile these pieces inside of me. How do I get them to live in harmony. How do I accept them all as part of me and come from a different place, a more whole place. If I’m coming from a fragmented place, where I experience those elements are disparate and incongruous, where my insides can’t come to terms with itself, then that’s what’s going to show up on the outside. That’s what some people have been reflecting back to me. Because it’s going on inside of me. It’s not happening all the time. There are many hours when there is harmony within, and thus harmony outside. That’s when my MoJo is working. But there has been enough discord, and on a very deep level, that it’s showing up enough to be noticed.
       If I make peace with all those parts of myself, then I’m not asking the question “Who Am I?” anymore. Because I know that I am all of them. I am tender and sensitive and deep and irreverent and outrageous and bold. If they are in harmony, then they will show up different. They will show up as integrated and whole and harmonious. So that’s what will be reflected back to me. People won’t experience that fragmentation if I don’t come from fragmentation. They won’t experience me as disharmonious if I’m not feeling disharmonious inside. It’s about me making peace with all of those elements. Then that peace is what I project. And that peace is real. Because it’s happening inside of me first.
       I know all of this. Now, however, it’s in my face in a whole different way. I’m experiencing this disharmony distinctly and powerfully and painfully right now. I’m not looking at it as an outside issue anymore. It’s not completely in my behavior, but in my energy behind that behavior. If I’m in harmony with myself, my behavior will be different sometimes, but not always. What will always be different, however, if I’ve made peace with myself, is how my behavior shows up. How I show up. My energy will be different, and that makes all the difference. I could take the exact same behavior, and if it’s coming from disharmony, then it’s going to come off one way, and be reflected back to me in that way. If the behavior is coming from a place of wholeness and harmony, that’s how it’s going to show up on the outside, and how it’s going to get reflected back to me.
       If I am clear inside, that clarity is what gets projected. Over the past six months or so, I’ve experienced lots of clarity. I’m experiencing a great sense of unclarity currently. On a level I haven’t been to before. Another layer has been peeled back, and that’s where I’m looking.
       I’m finally getting that this isn’t about self improvement. It’s about self acceptance. I don’t want to look at me as something that needs to be fixed. Because that means there’s something broken. There’s something wrong. With me. I’m getting that, as long as I see it that way, I will never be “fixed”. I will always find something “broken”. Not because anything is broken, but because that’s how I’m framing the whole process. If I make the shift to self acceptance, that’s how I shift myself. I don’t shift by trying to “fix”.
       I shift by accepting. By loving. Myself. Others. Life.  


©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
   

Snowmance

A snowstorm creates incredible romantic opportunities. Take advantage of them. I offer you a simple and beautiful idea here.

Snow Magic

       On the eve of a potential Nor’Easter here in Boston, my heart races, my dopamine kicks into overdrive, my anticipation revs to that of a pimply high school freshman about to get his first real kiss, and my excitement builds like a kid before Christmas. Most people are in dread. I’m in heaven.
       It’s always been that way. But what good is paradise with no one to share it with? It’s okay, and I’ll gladly take it. But the experience is so much fuller and richer when shared. Which is why I get out there when there’s a snowstorm, whether I’m alone or accompanied by a partner in crime. Because I want to share this experience with others. I have all this joy and energy and passion, and I want to spread it, share it, let others in on it. Some want it. Some don’t.
       I encourage you to see a snowstorm as more than just a giant pain in the ass. I understand that sentiment, and acknowledge the reality of it. But a snowstorm is so much bigger than just that. It’s a marvel of nature, a powerful and awesome spectacle of the natural world. Like a temporary Grand Canyon, a snowstorm is larger than life, spectacularly beautiful, and stirs primal forces within us that respond to the magnificence of the world we live in.
       Snow is a like a drug; it changes how the world looks, how the world smells, how the world sounds, how the world feels. It changes how we feel and what we do. It alters our external reality. And it alters our internal reality. Powerful shit, man.
       As a kid, we loved the snow, It was magic. Still is. But you have to connect to that little kid still inside you. And that kid is in your heart. Your head hates the snow because of all the extra work and toil it creates. But I offer you that your heart loves the snow, for all the reasons I’ve mentioned, and more.
       Connect to your heart, and you connect to all that joy and magic that adulthood has robbed from you. Tap into your heart, into that joyous, child like energy, and maybe, even just for a little while, you will actually enjoy a snowstorm. And observe the power of connecting to, and coming from, your heart.

©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.

Art Shine

      I admit I have my fair share of vanity in me. My physical appearance has been, and still is, important to me. Who doesn’t like feeling as though they look good? But feeling like I look good without something behind it doesn’t go very far. Looking California but feeling Minnesota is a vapid, unpleasant experience. I know, because I’ve been there. Plenty.
       There has to be a feeling within that matches what the outside of the package feels like. When my MoJo is working; when people are drawn to me; when people respond to my energy and engage me; when life “is buying what I’m selling”; I ask myself, from an energetic perspective. from within me, “What am I putting out into the world that’s attractive? What am I transmitting that people are drawn to? How am I showing up and where am I coming from?”
       These days, more and more, I’m shinning from the inside out. Doing lots of inner work. And lots of outer work. I’m taking action on my insides. And I’m taking actions on the outside. It’s the only way.
       The way we shine is unique to each of us. For me, having my body at a certain level of fitness has always been the springboard. That’s my baseline, but it’s just the beginning. My body is my foundation. But a foundation without anything on top of it doesn’t take you very far or attract many people to it. Doesn’t attract life to it.
       Use the metaphor of a beautiful house. It’s the whole package; foundation, framed structure, windows, design, color, etc. It draws us towards it. We may see the exterior, but we can sense the interior. We feel it’s inside, even if we can’t see it. And often, the outside of the house isn’t even that important, so energetically attractive is it’s interior (I think of all the fabulous interior spaces in Manhattan that are housed in buildings who’s exteriors appear less than stellar). it’s what’s inside that’s always more compelling. Think about how much more satisfying it is, how much bigger and richer the experience, when you go inside a beautiful house and experience what it’s like on the inside, as opposed to just staring at the outside of it. Well, people are just like that.
        Something's been growing inside of me for a while and it’s taking up so much space that it’s making it’s way out of me. People have told me that I shine. That I have an uncommon light that glows from within. I believe we all have this light. Some of us have better access to it than others, that’s all. One of the things I want to help people do is find that light, turn it up, and turn it on so that people see it. So that life sees it. So they shine.
       A close friend of mine described me thus, and I’m paraphrasing slightly; “You are a great diffuse light that wants to shine on the whole world, like a flood light. That’s wonderful in a social environment. But if you want to really make an impact in the world of commerce, you will need to focus your light, like a laser.” I’m closer to that than ever, and moving closer every day.
       The Icarus Deception is a book that’s literally changing my life every day I read it. It’s echoing my overall life philosophy, and validating a lot of what I write about. It’s not a perfect echo, but it’s sound is close enough to what I’m putting out there that it resonates powerfully and loudly.
       One of the tenants of the book is to “treat your work as art”. One of my tenants is to treat your life as art. Your love life. Your social life. Your appearance. What you say and what you do becomes a giant art project. That’s my basic philosophy on self expression.
       That’s an attitude rather than a specific practice, although it is something you do have to practice. It doesn’t mean that you have to express yourself every minute of every day. It doesn’t mean doing whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want to. But it does mean not hiding who you are. It means getting in touch with what moves you, what excites you, what impassions you, and giving that plenty of air time in your life. It means expressing whatever is inside you enough to shine.
       Doing so may bring attention to yourself. It will certainly bring judgement. This is what prevents a lot of people from doing it. I offer you this: Instead of letting fear and judgement stop you, use the opportunity to examine yourself. Dig into what you’re afraid of and why. Discover what’s behind you caring so much about being judged that it keeps you hiding. That keeps you from expressing. That keeps you shielding your heart. Then find ways to go through those blocks.
       I have lots of experience with this. It takes courage and persistence to live out loud. I have been accused of actively trying to draw attention to myself. Sometimes, yes, I do. Those are usually my insecurities acting out. It’s the flip side of hiding when you feel insecure. Neither one is better or worse. Just different ways of coping with insecurity.  
       Most of the time, however, attention is a by-product. And it happens to be a by-product I’m comfortable with. When I’m fully myself and not coming from insecurity, I don’t shrink from attention, but neither do I actively seek it. It just happens. So does judgement. Plenty of it. I’m less comfortable with judgement. It doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy to me. But again, if I’m coming from my real place, then I tolerate it just fine. And not because I grow a thick skin. But because I don’t care. Not in a callous way. But in a way that says “Here I am. This is really me. No frills. You are welcome not to like it. But if you do, come on in. The water is beautiful.”
       Your water is beautiful too. Swim it it. Often. And invite some of the world in.


©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All rights reserved.
   

Snow Ninja

       Snow: Beautiful. Transient. Magic. More fun, as my friend Ron used to say “than a pair of pants full of Jell-O”. I’m not sure I ever completely understood that phrase, but I use it all the time. Because, as with great song lyrics, the words don’t necessarily have to make sense. They just have to pop and sizzle. They have to evoke an image, create an atmosphere, and have some attitude.
       We had an overnight dusting of snow here in Boston a few days ago. Walking to a coffee shop early the next morning, I noticed the cars along Beacon Street that had been parked there overnight and thus acquired a light covering of fluffy snow. There were hundreds of them. After a few minutes of walking and observing, something remarkable happened. My reality changed. I started seeing my world differently. I stopped seeing hundreds of cars covered with snow. And I started seeing hundreds of blank white canvases.
       Canvases aren’t meant to stay blank for long. They beg to be written upon, painted upon, drawn upon. They beg to be transformed. I heard their calling. And I answered.
       So on this morning, a one mile stretch of road in Boston was littered with dozens of cars with the word “KISS” written in snow upon their windshields.
       At face value, this is a silly little story that could end there. But there’s actually more to it. Some of it I’ve already referenced. Some of it is between the lines. Using this story as a metaphor, I challenge you with the questions, “Why live life on the surface? Why not go deeper and get to the juicy meat of existence? Why just chew on the bone when you can suck out all the marrow?”.
       In my story, I mentioned that my whole reality changed. That I suddenly saw the world differently. And not because of anything different on the outside, but strictly because my perspective shifted. When that happened, new actions opened up. New possibilities emerged. New options were created. And all I did was stop seeing cars and start seeing canvases.
       If I can apply this to all of my life, then I can literally transform any situation, any circumstance, any reality, to a different one. To one that serves and empowers me. To one that creates new opportunities and new possibilities.
       This is much easier said than done. And for each of us, certain contexts allow for easier transformation of reality than others. Most people would never think of seeing cars as canvases and then actually write on dozens of them. But for me, that came naturally and easily.  Likewise, some people in business more readily see opportunity when others see disaster or nothing at all. We all have our natural forums where it’s easier for us to shift our perspective and thus create new possibilities. That means we can all learn so much from each other, if we are patient enough. If we are loving enough. If we care enough.
       I often see the world through the heart of an artist. “What can be created that will add beauty and feeling and connection and fun and depth, to the world?” I don’t ask that question consciously, but it’s always running around in my subconscious. That’s why I eventually see the canvases. Because through those canvases I can create something that’s in my heart. In this case, I created fun. I created humor. I created a smile on my face. And I created a good story that has so much more to it than meets the eye.
       I call that a good morning.

From The Icarus Deception:

"Art isn't pretty.

Art isn't painting.

Art isn't something you hang on the wall.

Art is what we do when we're truly alive."

©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights reserved.