The After Glow

       There exists a period of time, lasting from between a few minutes to an hour or more, when lovers share a unique and sacred space. Wonderful opportunities exists there, but, unfortunately, they are rarely taken advantage of. I’m talking about right after you make love. I’m talking about the After Glow.
       Also known as "Pillow Talk", it’s a time of great possibility, and yet it’s usually squandered. Sometimes, the pressures of life severely limit the time spent lying next to the one you love. But that’s not always the case. And if couples fully grasped the value of the After Glow, more of them would make the time to relish in it. Something might have to give, like an hour less of watching football or shopping. Yes, I know. I can hear the gasps.
       Physiology, psychology, and the love in our hearts all harmoniously converge after sex and create a space of supreme vulnerability. Hopefully, we have invested our body, mind, and heart into the love making. We are drained, but at the same time going through an emotional recharging that will soon nurture us for the rest of the day or night. We have just shared a piece of ourselves with one other. Tenderness and gentleness are in the house. Stroke her hair. Tickle his back. Rub her shoulders. Take one finger and trace it along the contours of each other’s face.
       Men traditionally have a hard time in this place. But women can find it difficult as well. The After Glow creates a place conducive to communication, to sharing, and to opening up to one another. It’s a time of potential deep connection. You are very close to each other. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Sexually. There is no better time to share and open up. This is the time to connect even deeper.
       You’re missing the boat....no you’re missing the ship.....no, you’re missing an all expense paid luxury cruise on The Sovereign of The Seas, if you constantly let this opportunity for intimacy pass you by.  
       I have had some of the most beautiful, remarkable conversations of my life during the After Glow. During these times, I have shared intimacies about myself with the woman I love that may have felt scary to expose until then. I feel like an open book. And she doesn’t even have to read me; I’ll read myself to her. And she’ll read herself to me. That’s when it’s cookin’.
       Of course, if intimacy is difficult for you, as it is for lots of people, then you have a hard time seeing the value of this special time. In fact, it’s downright scary.
       After particularly passionate sex, when the opportunity for closeness in the After Glow is even greater, you may have gremlins in your head. Those little fuckers say things like: “What the hell did I just say, or do, in the throes of passion?”. As a result, you may possibly be somewhat embarrassed. Don’t keep those very real thoughts and feelings private. Now is the perfect time to share them with your lover. Use the moment to comment on the moment. It’s a wonderful way to build intimacy and trust.  
       Fear is the great disconnector. If we are afraid of intimacy, we may use the After Glow to pull away. Because during sex, we are so close. We are totally exposed to each other. Naked. Not just physically. Now the recoil. It’s the classic push/pull, yes/no, come here/get back, get close/pull away dance we do in relationships. Thus, we miss golden opportunities to bond. The After Glow is not a time to pull back. It’s a time to move forward. Together. It’s a time to get even closer.
       But intimacy requires courage. It requires taking emotional risks. In the After Glow it requires keeping your guard down. Hopefully, your guard was down during sex. If not, then that’s just another layer of the onion that needs to be peeled away for true intimacy. We can get there. But it means we may have to do things differently.
       The risks may seem daunting. But the payoffs are huge. Self Discovery. Intimacy. Laughter. Truth. Honesty. Depth. Warm fuzzy feelings. Closeness. Connection. Intensity. Increased Love. Getting to know the other person even deeper and more fully. Usually, when someone opens up about something that is hard for them to expose, there is greater compassion and understanding for him or her. And compassion and understanding are two ingredients that are a lot healthier for a relationship than judgement or misconception.
       Taking advantage of the After Glow may take time to cultivate. Start by making a conscious decision as a couple to stay in the After Glow longer after sex. Have that discussion outside of the bedroom, then execute it between the sheets.
       The After Glow is like a beautiful womb that you get to share with your lover. I’m a twin, so I did indeed actually share the womb with another. Maybe that’s part of why I have such a love affair with this most precious space of time.
       This womb of the After Glow is a place of love and safety and connection. It can be one of the most beautiful places that you and your love ever go. And you don’t even have to leave your own bedroom.

©2012 Clint Piatelli and Red F Publishing. All Rights (and a glowing amount of wrongs) reserved.