Touch

       Touch. Vital, from birth, for human development. Essential for bonding throughout life. People who are not touched, and do not touch others, physically or emotionally, suffer a great deal. Touch is the oxygen of our emotional heart. Without it, we die. Literally.  
       Sometimes, I look at people and wonder how often they are touched. Or even if they are touched. There is a guy who works at the CVS near me. He is mentally challenged, and physical appearance wise, not gifted in the traditional sense. I know I am projecting, and in fact I could be completely wrong. But I would wager that he does not have many people in his life who touch him physically. I would wager he has probably never even had sex. That he has never had the intimate tender caress and touch of a woman (or man) who cares about him. And those thoughts break my heart. Every time I see him.
       Whether I am right or wrong about him, I am aware of all the people on this planet who do not get touched enough. Who long for the physicalness of another person so bad that their bones ache. I feel that loneliness from not enough physical contact as acutely as I feel my own limbs. For people who suffer from lack of touch, it is that tactile. And I have been there. And I can go back there just by looking at someone who’s body and face tell me that they yearn for human touch. They wear that hurt across their face like a mask. Across their whole being like an aura.
       The Bottom Line is that touch is an act of love. It is in fact the purest and strongest physical act of love we can commit. Therein lies it’s intense power.
       A good hug can save someone’s life. And enough good hugs can restore a person’s body, mind, heart, and soul  as much as proper nutrition, exercise, a spiritual practice, and a healthy lifestyle.
       Why are we so afraid to touch? Partly because touching is an intimate act. And intimacy, we are told, has to be earned. At a young and tender age, intimacy, with anyone, has huge consequences. We learn early the power of touch. We absorb it’s potency on a level that we often don’t understand until many years later. If we are touched properly, and often, we learn to receive human touch, and to give. We learn physical intimacy. And we are comfortable with it. We also learn how and when to protect that intimacy against others who would use touch to hurt us and violate us.
       Those who are violated by touch, or who are not touched enough, learn different lessons. Those are the people who’s hearts are broken. And who’s pain I feel most deeply.
       I know both worlds. My dad was a toucher. My mom was not. I spent the first three weeks of my life in an incubator, where I was not touched at all. I am an extremely affectionate person. To lovers. To friends. To strangers. I am always touching the woman I love. If she is next to me, I want to be touching her. I hug and kiss my friends. All of them. And if I shake a strangers hand, it is a firm, warm handshake, looking them straight in the eye. I often use both hands, sometimes firmly patting them on the shoulder as I shake. Increase the touch. Increase the connection.
       I want to touch. I want to be touched. I need it. It's one way I connect. The act of touching another person is connection. Literal Physical Connection. It can signify an Emotional Connection as well. It varies depending on who you are touching, how you are touching them, and how receptive or admonishing both of you are. The emotional and physical significance of the touch can be powerful and affirming beyond words. You communicate so much with touch. More than many realize.
       What makes a person an exceptional lover? One critical element is how they touch. A person who knows how to touch another, who pays attention to it, who values it and does it often, is virtually always a great lover. And I’m not just talking about touching with the hands. You touch another with other body parts as well. With your whole body, in fact. You also touch them with your words. With your feelings. With your actions. This gets communicated, in and out of the bedroom, constantly. And it gets picked up on, consciously and subconsciously, all the time too.
       If you want to be a better lover, learn touch. Don’t worry about dick size. Or breast size. Or how much hair you have. Or how much money you have. All that may make you more attractive. But it will never make you a great lover. Instead, focus on, open yourself up to, learn about, become available to, and become actively more demonstrative with touch.
       Believe me. It's true.  


©2012 Clint Piatelli. All Rights (and A Touching Amount of Wrongs) Reserved