The Politics of Bondage (part 2)

       So you’re in control. I mean total control. Of another person. They are helpless. You are omnipotent.
       Sounds terribly exciting, does it not?. From both sides. In the playful world of mutually consensual sexual power exchange, being either a “top” or a “bottom” can super charge excitement, desire, fun, self discovery, intimacy. All sorts of good stuff.
       I suggest you read, or re-read, my first post on this (The Politics of Bondage) if you want some context or set up for this writing.
       The psychology of control is fascinating. And very dichotomous. We are often polarized by the concept of control. We strive to be in control of our lives so that we get what we want. Being in control gives us the experience of safety and comfort. Basically, we are taught that the more in control we are, the happier we will be because getting what we want, by western standards anyway, means happiness.
       The experience of being out of control, on the other hand, is frightening. For you and for those around you. By definition, you are completely unpredictable, which is scary. And dangerous. You don’t have influence over what you want because you can not govern your behavior or responses.
       And yet, we are drawn to people who exhibit a devil may care attitude, or a freedom of spirit that makes them appear, at times anyway, just a little out of control. A Little Dangerous, A Little Unpredictable. So a little “out of controllness” is appealing to most. Those who exhibit this trait in proper doses can be exciting, fun, and magnetic. Being around them can make us feel that way too.
       On the contrary, people who are too “in control”, or “Control Freaks”, as we often call them, are exhausting to be around. They suck all the energy out of every life circumstance in order to feed their need for control. Spontaneity and inspiration are stifled and choked out of existence. People like that can be damn boring.
       Thus, an ungovernable need to control everything is just as distasteful to most of us as the ungovernable inability to control anything.
       I realize that most of us do not fall under either of these two extremes. I highlight both ends of the spectrum simply to illustrate my point: We have a love hate thing with control.We strive for a balance between control and letting go. And this balance is notoriously difficult to strike at any one moment.
       Which is why it is so delicious when we choose to either be in complete control of a sexual situation or turn that control over to someone else. For a little while, we don’t have to worry at all about balance. We consciously choose imbalance. We go all the way over to one extreme. Thee’s a wonderful freedom in that. It’s a lot of fun.
       Having power over someone else in this context feeds our need to be in control without all the baggage that comes with being a total control freak. For this short time, we get to be control freaks, all the way, 100%, and not only is it okay, but the more in control we are, the more power we exert over the other person, the more exciting it is for both involved. Our desire to have all the power is rewarded, with no stigma attached. We get to live out this fantasy that, if we did so in the rest of our lives, would not endear us to many people. And might even get us arrested.
       In part three, I’ll go even further. Maybe I’ll even get completely out of control.....

©2012 Clint Piatelli. All Rights (and an out of control amount of wrongs) Reserved