Great Sex (part 2)

       In my first post called Great Sex, I told you I was going to help you create....Great Sex. So here we go. Hold onto your hats.
       It’s important to become comfortable talking about your sex life with your partner. There’s an awful lot that gets communicated in the bedroom, non-verbally. And that’s the way it should be. But there also needs to be open verbal communication channels about sex, away from the act itself. Having real conversations about your sex life together is essential if you’re creating a great sex life, together. I know this is not the norm. But it is achievable.
       As with most things, the more you practice something, the better you get at it. If having detailed and lengthy conversations with your lover about sex is way outside the norm for you, fear not. There are small steps you can take that aren’t so scary.
       First, mutually agree to talk about it. Then, casually, start talking about it. Lightly and easily at first. It doesn’t have to be heavy or involved or very detailed right away. It can be simply stating something that may or may not be obvious, such as “I really like when you do (whatever) to me”.
       As you build a rapport with your lover, the conversations will open up. As you both get more comfortable discussing intimate issues, the issues become more intimate. And more relevant. It’s vital that this process be a conversation, not a monologue. It doesn’t work if only one partner does all the talking. There must be a back and forth. Listen to each other. Respond to each other. You are in this beautiful boat together. If it’s going to sail, I mean really sail, it’s going to take active participation from both of you.
       Again, you don’t have to bear too much right away. Start off by coming a little out of your comfort zone. Then the next conversation, a little more. As your comfort zone expands through repeated discussions, the conversations get more in depth. And steamier. You will eventually find that these conversations about your sex life will sometimes lead to sex. Great Sex. The conversations not only improve communication between the two of you, but they become a wonderful form of foreplay.
       There is notable synergy between having great conversations about sex and having great sex itself. Because having real conversations about sex with your lover means taking risks. It involves exposing yourself, expressing yourself, opening up, sharing what’s deep inside of you, and being vulnerable. And, lo and behold, all of those critical elements that create great conversations about sex are also critical elements in creating the act of great sex. Indeed, a life of great sex. The deeper you go, the more you share, the more you risk, the more meaningful, expressive, and open your conversations are, the more of that will translate into the bedroom. And vise-versa. Expansion in one leads to expansion in the other.
       Now, The Bedroom. Whether we realize it or not, we actively or passively create the environment where sex happens. If we don’t put any thought into our bedroom, then we passively, or unconsciously, create that environment. If we put thought and effort into it, we actively, or consciously, create it. Creating a bedroom environment consciously is more conducive to the creation of a sustained great sex life. As with all decisions, when we take them from the realm of the unconscious to the conscious, our subsequent choices create more powerful, more self expressive, more fulfilling possibilities.
       I gave an example of what my bedroom currently looks like in my post, Anatomy Of A Ready To Go Bedroom. This is by no means a “model”, just an example. Yours will look and be different depending on what you’re into and what you want to create. The point is to put thought, effort, care, creativity, and ultimately, plenty of yourself, into the space where you make love. Co-create it with your lover. This not only builds the relationship, it’s, literally, a fuckload of fun. Shopping for sheets, bedspreads, candles, lights, toys, and outfits together is essentially prolonged foreplay. Planning and shopping together for your mutually created sex space is a way to make foreplay last all day before you both go home and tear each other’s clothes off.
       It’s important to remember that even if we don’t make any conscious decisions about it, we ultimately create our sex life mutually with our partner. Because to choose to do nothing, and always just go with whatever is standard operating procedure, is still a choice. If we make more informed choices that require effort and thought, love and care, then our sex lives get better. Period.
       Part three coming soon. Now go make some love.


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