Run Silent, Run Deep

       I have started and stopped about a half dozen different pieces this morning. On top of that, I’ve gone back to another half a dozen writings that are a work in process and tried to finish them. So far, goose egg. So I’m writing about how I’m striking out on the page, which, ironically, is providing me with exactly what I need; something I can write about that I can finish.
       My lack of ability to complete something to post is not because there’s nothing going on for me to write about. It’s not because nothing is coming to me, or that I feel I have nothing to say. On the contrary, there’s a ton of stuff bubbling up inside of me. But, like a cake that isn’t ready yet, it’s still baking.
       I’m experiencing an inward gestation, a time of very personal germination. It’s a time for me to go within, not put something out. Most of the time, both are happening at once; inward journeys accompanied by outward expressions. At present, though, it’s mostly all happening on the inside. So I’m paying attention to that and purposely not sharing, not expressing. Which is hard for me. But something is telling me it’s what I need to do right now.
       There is a strong sense, however, that when I’m ready to share again, it will be an explosion of sorts. I’m turning it all down right now because I’m going to be turning it all up, very loud, pretty soon. But I want my sound to be clear, not distorted. That takes some crafting, some care, some focus. Any rock band can be loud; Spinal Tap proved that. It’s just a matter of turning up the volume to eleven. But the best rock bands are loud because their music sounds better cranked up. The power and passion and message of the music dictates its volume, not the other way around. That’s what I’m shooting for.
       The need to be quiet, as difficult as that is, grounds me. It builds a stronger inner platform. I don’t believe I’ve ever really gotten that until recently.
       If I’m going to jump off a cliff, in order to soar, in order to fly, I first need the bedrock of the cliff under me from which to jump.



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