Thursday, January 17, 2013 at 8:39AM something burns inside of me
i can’t name it
i can’t explain it
i can’t describe it
i can’t subside it
i can’t abate it
i can’t equate it
i can’t get to its bottom
i can’t see its top
all I can do
is learn to ride it
my life driven
by this unfathomable engine
©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
Poetry Tuesday, January 15, 2013 at 7:42AM In my first post called Great Sex, I told you I was going to help you create....Great Sex. So here we go. Hold onto your hats.
It’s important to become comfortable talking about your sex life with your partner. There’s an awful lot that gets communicated in the bedroom, non-verbally. And that’s the way it should be. But there also needs to be open verbal communication channels about sex, away from the act itself. Having real conversations about your sex life together is essential if you’re creating a great sex life, together. I know this is not the norm. But it is achievable.
As with most things, the more you practice something, the better you get at it. If having detailed and lengthy conversations with your lover about sex is way outside the norm for you, fear not. There are small steps you can take that aren’t so scary.
First, mutually agree to talk about it. Then, casually, start talking about it. Lightly and easily at first. It doesn’t have to be heavy or involved or very detailed right away. It can be simply stating something that may or may not be obvious, such as “I really like when you do (whatever) to me”.
As you build a rapport with your lover, the conversations will open up. As you both get more comfortable discussing intimate issues, the issues become more intimate. And more relevant. It’s vital that this process be a conversation, not a monologue. It doesn’t work if only one partner does all the talking. There must be a back and forth. Listen to each other. Respond to each other. You are in this beautiful boat together. If it’s going to sail, I mean really sail, it’s going to take active participation from both of you.
Again, you don’t have to bear too much right away. Start off by coming a little out of your comfort zone. Then the next conversation, a little more. As your comfort zone expands through repeated discussions, the conversations get more in depth. And steamier. You will eventually find that these conversations about your sex life will sometimes lead to sex. Great Sex. The conversations not only improve communication between the two of you, but they become a wonderful form of foreplay.
There is notable synergy between having great conversations about sex and having great sex itself. Because having real conversations about sex with your lover means taking risks. It involves exposing yourself, expressing yourself, opening up, sharing what’s deep inside of you, and being vulnerable. And, lo and behold, all of those critical elements that create great conversations about sex are also critical elements in creating the act of great sex. Indeed, a life of great sex. The deeper you go, the more you share, the more you risk, the more meaningful, expressive, and open your conversations are, the more of that will translate into the bedroom. And vise-versa. Expansion in one leads to expansion in the other.
Now, The Bedroom. Whether we realize it or not, we actively or passively create the environment where sex happens. If we don’t put any thought into our bedroom, then we passively, or unconsciously, create that environment. If we put thought and effort into it, we actively, or consciously, create it. Creating a bedroom environment consciously is more conducive to the creation of a sustained great sex life. As with all decisions, when we take them from the realm of the unconscious to the conscious, our subsequent choices create more powerful, more self expressive, more fulfilling possibilities.
I gave an example of what my bedroom currently looks like in my post, Anatomy Of A Ready To Go Bedroom. This is by no means a “model”, just an example. Yours will look and be different depending on what you’re into and what you want to create. The point is to put thought, effort, care, creativity, and ultimately, plenty of yourself, into the space where you make love. Co-create it with your lover. This not only builds the relationship, it’s, literally, a fuckload of fun. Shopping for sheets, bedspreads, candles, lights, toys, and outfits together is essentially prolonged foreplay. Planning and shopping together for your mutually created sex space is a way to make foreplay last all day before you both go home and tear each other’s clothes off.
It’s important to remember that even if we don’t make any conscious decisions about it, we ultimately create our sex life mutually with our partner. Because to choose to do nothing, and always just go with whatever is standard operating procedure, is still a choice. If we make more informed choices that require effort and thought, love and care, then our sex lives get better. Period.
Part three coming soon. Now go make some love.
©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
Being Yourself, Love, Relationships, Sex Monday, January 14, 2013 at 9:06AM The effects of depression and anxiety on the biochemistry of the body are discussed here. We also cover the first steps of getting relief from depression and anxiety.
Change, Love, Relationships, Sex, Video Blog Thursday, January 10, 2013 at 9:03AM Most coupes agree that a healthy sex life is an important part of an intimate relationship. Yet the amount of time and effort that most couples devote to creating that healthy sex life is minimal. The fallacy is that a great sex life just happens. That it’s either there or it isn’t.
Bullshit.
Maybe in the beginning of a relationship, when it’s running on pure sexual adrenaline, newness, and lustful excitement, not much needs to be done to create explosively great sex. But eventually, you'll both have to commit energy and effort to keep it that way.
Individually and as a couple, you create your great sex life. It doesn’t create you.
To me, this is Good News. Because if I know my partner and I are responsible for creating great sex, then the quality of our sex life isn’t at the whim of the mysterious Love God of Sexual Chemistry. Chemistry is important. And somewhat mysterious. In one respect, it’s there or it isn’t. I’m assuming it’s already there. If you’re having good sex in the beginning of a relationship, then it’s there. The challenge becomes maintaining great sex. Actually, my challenge is even more ambitious: ramping it up.
Because I work with my partner to create a more intense, deeper, more adventurous and exciting sex life, my experience is that my sex life with my lover actually gets better the longer we are together. The newness may be gone, but you can actually create new....newness....by exploring as yet unexplored sexual avenues. You can create excitement by pushing the sexual envelope. This means embracing a new paradigm, which I’ve alluded to in other posts, most recently: Anatomy Of A Ready To Go Bedroom, Clinterview On Sex, Flames Not Games, Ride The Lightning, and Fifty Thousand Shades of Clint.
This paradigm frames our sex life as an erotic adventure. It’s not unlike how we can choose to look at, for example, our career, or our recreational activities, or our spirituality, or our emotional life. We can look at those areas of our lives as opportunities yet realized, adventures not yet endeavored, mountains not yet climbed, worlds waiting to be explored.
And the world of human sexuality, indeed your own sexuality, is vast, and beautiful, and expansive, and there is always more to learn and discover and explore. If you don’t know that, I’m here to tell you it’s true. And I’m here to help you dive into that truth.
With any path in your life, as you continue down it, you continually have the opportunity to discover more about yourself, to invent yourself, to create new possibilities and new experiences, and continually add richness and depth to your life on that path. Whether that’s your career path, your spiritual path, or your personal growth path. Your sexual path can be the same type of journey.
That isn’t the way most of us think about our sex life, but it could be. It’s how I’ve looked at my sex life for almost fifteen years. And I’ve had a better sex life over the last fifteen years than I did in my first fifteen. I'm forty-nine, and I’m very excited and optimistic about my future.
At some point, you’ve both got to take responsibility for what you mutually create (or don’t) in the bedroom. But again, this is The Good News. Because we get to make choices. We get to create what we want. And that is fuckin’ exciting....
I know how to do that. So I’m here to help you create great sex. In Part Two.
©2103 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
Love, Relationships, Sex Wednesday, January 9, 2013 at 7:36AM Past less the man
I used to be
Keeping what was real
That was mine to see
Not perfect but wanted to be
Touching a self
That flirted with my future
I aspired a man
Still in need of a suture
Of heart and being
No different than yours
In need of healing
But still precious and pure
©2013 Clint Piatelli, MuscleHeart, and Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
Poetry 