Ma Familia
Friday, October 26, 2012 at 7:15AM Around 1995, my mother was awarded "Woman Of The Year" status for her contributions to the Italian Home For Little Wonderers. My immediate family was invited to the awards ceremony at The Ritz Carlton in Boston.
The event was a smashing black tie affair with a live band, sit down meal, and an open bar. Or at least a kick ass bar.
There was a time in my life when my family was very important to me. In fact, I was over-identified with them. That’s the dysfunctional flip side to deep bonds and deep love. It doesn’t have to be present, but it was for me.
That over-identification had something to do with why, when some of my siblings hurt me very badly, I completely cut them out of my life. Or at least I tried to.
My perspective now is that whatever happened, had to happen, so that it could bring us to where we are as a family today.
When we were estranged, it was clear to me that for our family to work, some things had to be different. The environment was toxic for me, and I had to get out. But I really didn’t know how. So I spent a lot of years in this netherworld, where I was neither truly in nor truly out of my family. I told myself I was “out”, but how the hell could I be? I still owned property with two of my siblings and I lived in that home. And, despite what I told myself, despite what I told others, I still loved them. I still cared about them. I was kidding myself.
We are all getting along pretty well these days. My parents are no longer with us. I may write more about the journey I took with my family someday. For now, I just want them to know that I love them very much. And that I am so very happy that we are together again.
©2012 Clint Piatelli & Red F Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
Reader Comments (4)
Well said. I agree that family can be a double edged sword. The bonds that hold you together can also close too tightly around you and suffocate you. I love my siblings very much...always have but that doesn't mean I've always liked them or what they did.
I haven't liked the way I've treated them. I've been wrong too.
For me, maybe it's because I didn't completely understand them or want to understand them. Or maybe like all people we were being, well human. Sometimes we do good, sometimes we do bad. Sometimes we care, sometimes we love, sometimes we don't give a shit.
However, I honestly don't know if I would chose any of my brothers or sisters as "friends". They are all wonderful people and have many gifts to offer the world but being the optimist that I am, I think everyone has that same feature. But of course, no one can be friends with everyone.
But I think in all matters of the "heart" there is a duality and I've learned that you can love completely without complete understanding (I think that sentiment is from a movie but not sure). So for me, I don't have to completely understand my brother or sisters, I just know I love them all completely and hope to tighten our bonds without constricting our collective "hearts".
Good thoughts my dear brother...good thoughts. Will talk soon.
LV
Mike
Thank you for contributing your thought and feelings Mike, my twin brother. I love you very much. I look forward to more communication, and more love, between the two of us.
Love,
Clint......but you know me better as "John", and you can call me whatever is best for you.
First, what a great picture! Oh how young you all were and a rare opportunity to have the entire family together. I am so happy to see that you are working through your problems and choosing to become close again. I always admired and envied your closeness as brothers and as a family growing up and it hurt my heart to see such turmoil between siblings. What an inspiration to everyone to work through whatever problems they have. Love you guys.
Moey! Love to hear from you, and thanx so much for responding. You have known Mike and I a long time, have seen our ups and downs. I love you too. We love you too..
Clint
oxoxox